Wednesday, April 07, 2004
The wrongest possible thing: Metroid the movie
A John Woo produced, possibly directed, Metroid movie.
I've already done my Comic Book Guy impersonation and posted about this voluminously on Slashdot, but I think it bears repeating.
The chances this will turn out any good are slim to none. Of all sci-fi videogames, Metroid may be least suited for moviehood. Further, well, just look at all the other movie adaptations of videogames we've seen lately. Resident Evil -- Bah! (And that one's even getting a sequel!) Tomb Raider movies are at least true to the spirit of the games in that they're all about ogling Lara Croft. And how many worst-of-the-year lists did The House of the Dead make it onto?
Furthermore, Hollywood doesn't make real movies based on games. They make action movies based on games. In fact, it might be possible to create a interesting movie character based on Samus Aran. But I doubt it'll happen in our current movie industry. In any case, Metroid isn't even what I'd call an action franchise. The games are about exploration, even, dare I say it, wonder. Almost the entire game is a secret passage, in one form or another! I doubt John Woo understands that.
I wonder how they'll handle the suit? It was a surprise ending to the first Metroid that there was even a woman in that thing! How can you have a sexy starlet in that thing and still retain the essential Adolescent Male interest that drives practically all action movie ticket sales?
Worst of all is the news that John Woo's video game production studio (He has a video game studio? Damn him!) is already working on three games. I will bet you that they will suck. We have here in the making is a fiasco of CD-i Zelda proportions.
A John Woo produced, possibly directed, Metroid movie.
I've already done my Comic Book Guy impersonation and posted about this voluminously on Slashdot, but I think it bears repeating.
The chances this will turn out any good are slim to none. Of all sci-fi videogames, Metroid may be least suited for moviehood. Further, well, just look at all the other movie adaptations of videogames we've seen lately. Resident Evil -- Bah! (And that one's even getting a sequel!) Tomb Raider movies are at least true to the spirit of the games in that they're all about ogling Lara Croft. And how many worst-of-the-year lists did The House of the Dead make it onto?
Furthermore, Hollywood doesn't make real movies based on games. They make action movies based on games. In fact, it might be possible to create a interesting movie character based on Samus Aran. But I doubt it'll happen in our current movie industry. In any case, Metroid isn't even what I'd call an action franchise. The games are about exploration, even, dare I say it, wonder. Almost the entire game is a secret passage, in one form or another! I doubt John Woo understands that.
I wonder how they'll handle the suit? It was a surprise ending to the first Metroid that there was even a woman in that thing! How can you have a sexy starlet in that thing and still retain the essential Adolescent Male interest that drives practically all action movie ticket sales?
Worst of all is the news that John Woo's video game production studio (He has a video game studio? Damn him!) is already working on three games. I will bet you that they will suck. We have here in the making is a fiasco of CD-i Zelda proportions.
